{ Who's In Control Here? }

Food.  Glorious Food.  Planning Meals.  Thinking about meals.  Preparing food.  Eating food.  Good Food. Bad Food.  Healthy food. Food that helps me lose weight.  Foods that make me gain weight (sometimes just by looking at it).

Will food ever stop having control over me?  I have treated food as a friend and I have treated food as an enemy.  I must get to the in between - the healthy place in between.

I know that my body needs - craves really - healthy, nutrient rich foods.  When I eat these foods, I feel strong, powerful and ready to conquer the world.  So why do I rush to eat binge on an entire bag of potato chips when I want to feel better?

Eventually I want to figure out why and exactly when I started eating nonstop to numb all my pain, anger, fear and insecurities.  But for today, I think there are several things I can do when the binge monster rears its ugly head:

• Journal - whether in a blog, on paper, in a notebook, whatever works - I need to analyze the thoughts I had before, during and after the binge.  And if I make it through an event without bingeing, journal about that as well - how did I conquer it?
• Affirmations - I love them.  I need to use them.  Check that.  I need to use them and BELIEVE them.

But most importantly, I need to be gentle with myself.  My goal is to have a healthy relationship with food and with myself.  I believe it is possible.

For today, I am in control.

Until next time, friends, 

Lolly