{ A Fat Vegan Making a Change }

Many people have asked me over the years why I am vegan.  One of my first blog posts was about why I am vegan - you can read it here.  Some have even gone so far as to say something to the effect of what's the point in being vegan if you're still heavy? I know. Rude, right? But when I first became vegetarian almost 17 years ago and vegan about 4 years ago, it was strictly because I wanted to do no harm to another living being. There is a quote from George Bernard Shaw that exactly describes my feelings about animals - "Animals are my friends and I don't eat my friends."

Sweet baby calf from The Gentle Barn

Adorableness! Love.

It was a conscious decision on my part to no longer eat anything with a face or a mother.  And I never looked back and have had nothing but support from my family and most of my friends.  In fact, I bet folks already thought I was veg since growing up my mom was a hippie (it was the 70's) and a wildlife rehabilitator (birds mostly) and so I literally grew up with animals of all kinds.  

It's only in the last few years that I have really thought about the health benefits of eating a vegan plant-based diet.  And this is where I struggle. I struggle not with the decision to be vegan, for that is a great joy in my life, but with my emotional eating and binging.  There are an awful lot of VERY unhealthy, processed vegan foods and I bet I have eaten most of them.  I am tired of being fat.  Tired of the rude questions. Tired of not being a role model for a plant-based diet that I so want to be.  I don't preach to others about a vegan diet but if they ask me, I always give my two cents and would LOVE to be a living example of the health benefits of going vegan.

I need to lose more than 150 pounds and that is overwhelming.  I am doing the work right now to figure out EXACTLY why I overeat and binge and how I can stop going to that place when I am (fill in the blank).  I no longer want food to make me feel bad, I want it to be pleasurable and I want to know that what I am putting in my mouth is benefiting me in some way.

I feel like I have been all over the place for so many years and I just want to be normal - or at least to have a normal relationship with food.  Is it possible?

I am going to go back to making all my meals - I know I have said this before - but this time I mean it (a friend actually gave me a pin that says just that - "this time I mean it").  I do - I really do! My history tells me that when I cook my own food (real food), I feel better. To that end, I signed up to participate in this Fall's Virtual Vegan Potluck on November 1 and have been busy thinking up what I am going to post for my Main Dish category.

As i said in my last post, I felt like change was in the air, and I am ready to be that change.

Until next time, friends, 

Lolly