Monday, September 3, 2012

{ A Powerful Question }

On a recent repeat episode of Dr Oz (love!), a psychologist was counseling some morbidly obese women that wanted to lose weight and change their lives but were stuck. I completely identified with their struggles.  I know what I have to do to lose the weight, but something is stopping me - why do I eat excessively? why do I binge?  why can't I maintain?  What is wrong with me?  Their struggles were so familiar.  They were me.

This psychologist said that he had a question to ask - one that was the most important question to ask yourself in order to start the journey to ALLOWING yourself to lose weight.


Wow.  This question took me aback but I immediately knew the answer.  How did this cute and innocent little girl sitting on the car become the woman that I see in the mirror today?
How did this happy, laughing little girl in the pool become the heavy obese, often unhappy, always worried, and sometimes sad woman I see in the mirror?
When did this brown haired smiling beauty become the woman who doesn't like to have her picture taken because she is uncomfortable in her skin?
When did this sweet little girl, who although shy, was very confident in herself  become this woman who, although in business/work can do and will do anything and is powerful, yet personally has extremely low self-confidence and self-esteem?
How did the woman I see in the mirror everyday let this man, her biological father, affect so much of who she is today?  Why have I given him the power? Why now, even at the age of 47, does his behavior and absence still hurt so badly?
It is still a constant pain that always beats lightly in my heart and then sometimes spikes when a situation arises or sometimes for no reason at all.  Nothing really changes the heartache of a fatherless child.  I had always thought that I was "daddy's girl."

Yet instead, he was the first man to break my heart and to this day I really struggle not to despise him while at the same time I secretly long to love him.

But today is a new day, and I can no longer allow the past - this part of my past - to define me or dictate my actions or my weight.  I am truly sorry that this man missed out on something and someone so wonderful (me!).  BUT I can no longer let HIS actions break me.  They could have - and nearly did - but I will NOT let that happen.

I define me.  I make my decisions based on the now and the future. I am a powerful woman and I am strong enough to, as my beloved grandfather used to say, "rise above it" and live my life NOW.  I will take care of myself, lose weight, get healthy, get HAPPY because I choose to, NOT in spite of him. Does that make sense?  I AM WORTH IT and I AM WORTHY!

Until next time, friends, 


1 comment:

  1. Oh honey...I'm so sorry that he hurt you so much and continues to do so. He's really not worth it. You have tried so hard over the years to connect with him and every time he ignores you. You don't need a father now. You're complete and perfect just as you are. You've become a wonderful and caring person in spite of him. Who knows...if you had a relationship with him you might have absorbed some of his bad energy and karma so it may have been a blessing in disguise. I would love to talk to him and tell him what he's done by hurting and ignoring you but he'd just ignore me too. He hid from me and your sisters and his legal responsibilities (child support) for years. I simply will never understand why anyone would ignore their own children. I can understand why he wouldn't want to be around me since I couldn't stand him but all you girls would have given him such unconditional love for I never said anything negative about him when you were little. I actually now appreciate his DNA because I sure did get wonderful children out of that pitiful marriage!! I love you so much you must just let in all of the love that surrounds you......